sinking down, down

[facultwist]

Death is a drop into a blackness that swallows you. You feel the movement of not air but shadow across your face as you plummet, and there is no bottom. No crash.

If there is another side, you do not reach it.

It is neither the light of heaven or the fires of hell that greets you when you wake. And wake you do, to the buzz and flicker of old fluorescent lights.

You are laid out beside a full-size competitive swimming pool, half-filled with stagnant water. The doors out are blocked off by locked doors covered in caution tape. The locker rooms are long since emptied, paint peeling from the humidity. The only signs of habitation are a few pieces of scattered graffiti.

Welcome to your new home. There's no sunlight, no indication of time passing. Just you and each other and your thoughts. the stagnant water bubbles a little occasionally, but there's nothing in it.

Before long you'll realize that you no longer need to eat or drink. You might notice your hand go through something if you don't focus. You're a ghost now. What's that they say about unfinished business?

Comments

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

[ Wasting. That's such a funny thought. It feels like that's all she is right now. Her empty self's full up, and it's not with love or sadness or anything she's felt even the slightest bit connected to, but rage. Maybe this is who Rinne Saruwatari is. Maybe this is—

...

Arms wrapped around herself, biting her lip so hard that were she alive it would be bleeding, Rinne simply nods. Not saying a word. ]

[trustheart]

[ Chris stares at her for a long moment, and feels...something tugging at her. Something that reminds her of herself, and the anger she felt against Vanity. ]

Rinne, whatever you do...don't do it just because you hate the person who hurt Kana. You will see her again, when this is all over. You don't want to be a person she'll be frightened of, do you? You can't just let this define who you are...even in a place like this.

You love Kana, and you have to hold onto that. You'll be all she has in a place like this. I...I don't have anyone here, except Vanity and you all. I beat the shit out of Vanity, and you just saw me try and fail to reach a halfway peaceful place with her. This is what existence is like for us now, and I...I can't be resentful forever. You can't be either, even if it's just for Kana's sake. You need to ask yourself...

...Are you willing to lose Kana again just to punish the person who hurt her?

cw rinne typical self-loathing

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

[ For a moment, it looks like nothing will shake Rinne. Nothing can. However, as she trembles, nails digging into her skin, something— ]

...Me?

Me, all she has—?

[ That shouldn't be right. This can't be right. A girl like Kana needs more. No matter how much she wanted look at me, look at me, look at me Rinne knows that...

She buries her face in her hands, letting out a wet, broken laugh. ]

Awful. It's awful. I'm awful.

[trustheart]

[ Chris grits her teeth. ]

Rinne.

[ She grabs the girl's wrists and forces Rinne to look her in the eye. ]

Kana, whether she loved you or not, cried over your death! She cared about you! She saw you as someone important to her! Does that sound like she sees you as awful?! Get over yourself! Do you want Kana to suffer further when she gets here?! Listen to me! Listen to me!

[ She pulls Rinne into a hug. ]

If you need it, I'll be there with you. I'll hold you back! I'll stop you from taking revenge! I'll stop you from doing something that will make Kana hate you! I won't let you turn your love for Kana into something ugly, like what happened to me and Vanity! I promise!

cw rinne typical self-loathing

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

[ The hug surprises her. It makes her whole body tense up.

She wants to scream. She wants to say her love's already turned ugly. It's always been ugly. She's always been ugly. Everything that comes from her is bound to be ugly too. How can Chris promise something like that, when it's too late? How can Chris stand to be near such an empty, disgusting thing?

But nothing comes out. Her voice gets stuck in her throat as miserable whimpers and squeaks. She's never been good at expressing herself, after all. ]

Aah... Aaaah...!!

[ Tears catch in her eyes. She shakes her head. Everything feels like too much. Too heavy. Too— ]

[trustheart]

[ Chris hugs her tightly. How many times had she felt like Rinne is feeling now? Worthless? Alone? Discarded? Time to call on that now. ]

You're not awful. You're not. You're worth saving. You're worth loving. I'm here. I've got you, Rinne. I've got you.

[ She thinks back...and remembers a time she considered song writing...back when she was first getting together with Vanity, and how it had changed her world. How it had made her feel. How it had made her feel like her world was opening up. She had discarded it, but...she still remembers the lyrics.

So she decides to sing it for Rinne. ]

...Ah… tomorrow, when I've overcome my tears
What's gonna be waiting for me?
The gears that were fading away, with a jolt
Start to move, sparkling bright…

Ah… for the sake of something that only
Connected hands create, I dunno if I can go on
Without separating the hands we've joined
I'll tear apart these distorted fakes with my song, my song of the future
'Cos finally, I've realized that… I can see it
I'm sure I'll get there… I'm sure...

[sweetsynergy]

[Vanity blinks, looking up a little- watching Chris and Rinne for a second before looking away. Her expression closes off, turning over the lyrics in her head.]

[She stays silent; anything she says right now will just make things worse.]

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

[ It sounds much softer than she'd expect from... Well, from what she'd observed of Chris. An explosive girl, full of rage and anger. Vanity's attack dog.

That's not so true anymore, is it?

Rinne doesn't say anything. That's not to say she doesn't make a sound, because she does, whimpering quietly, crying. But she doesn't interrupt. Rinne's very good at listening and watching, after all.

Even when Chris is done, she can't quite find her voice for a long few moments. After a stretch, she squeaks out: ]

...s-sound...lovely.

[trustheart]

...Thanks. I'm told I'm pretty good at singing for someone who hates being on the school choir.

[ She squeezes Rinne just a bit tighter, holding her silently for now. ]

[trustheart]

...See? She Didn't kill Kana.

[sweetsynergy]

...they still haven't found the knife.

[Look this might just be the mun's Adventurer Club experience talking but the lack of the throat-knife seems significant and ominous.]

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

—huh?

[ It snaps her at attention. Anthy's voice cuts through her storm of self-loathing and pain.

And Rinne somehow believes her. ]

She...

She didn't...

[trustheart]

…And now we know who really did.

[ Chris holds Rinne tight. She knows now. She knows who she has to protect from Rinne. She knows who she has to keep Rinne away from to protect her from herself. ]

[sweetsynergy]

[Huh.]

[She thought this would feel more like vindication.]

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

[ It feels like knives are poking through her skin.

She doesn't hiss out Kohaku's name, like she did Anthy, because she's a little too shattered to. The rush of emotions have worn her out.

She still trembles as she watches, though. And she doesn't try to pull from Chris' hold. ]

[protomartyr]

[ While Rinne keeps quiet, Lottie doesn't. In the most outward display of emotion most of the ghosts here have seen, Lottie stands, clenching both her fists and scowling. ]

You were supposed to fucking stay.

[trustheart]

…Want to share what you mean with the class, Lottie?

[thatsplato]

None of your business.

[trustheart]

Lottie can speak for herself, Misty.

[thatsplato]

She can, but she doesn’t have to.

[protomartyr]

[ Bitterly: ]

I wanted Doloris to be happy.

[ Not just Doloris. Hatsune, too. But that's not a name Lottie deserves to speak aloud. ]

[trustheart]

…I think we all wanted that. But we’ve all made our choices, Lottie.

I won’t stop you if you need to confront Kohaku about it.

cw suicidal ideation in the linked tag

[protomartyr]

[ That's a nice piece of comfort, Chris. Unfortunately, Doloris has gone and said something very frightening.

Lottie kneels behind Doloris and howls. It resolves into something like a word. ]

No!!!

[ Over and over again, begging and pleading: ]

I need you to hear me. Listen. Can you hear me? I need you to hear me.

[trustheart]

Holy fuck no!!!??? We’ve gotta do something?!

[ Chris’s eyes are wide with horror. ]

Lottie, you tossed Hawke’s hair, didn’t you? You affected her somehow! Maybe we can…we can send her a message! Convince her not to, somehow!

[lifegoalsorwifegoals]

[ In a choked and hoarse voice, Rinne says in defeat: ]

They can't. No one can anymore.

[ Is all this even any different for you? ]