sinking down, down

[facultwist]

Death is a drop into a blackness that swallows you. You feel the movement of not air but shadow across your face as you plummet, and there is no bottom. No crash.

If there is another side, you do not reach it.

It is neither the light of heaven or the fires of hell that greets you when you wake. And wake you do, to the buzz and flicker of old fluorescent lights.

You are laid out beside a full-size competitive swimming pool, half-filled with stagnant water. The doors out are blocked off by locked doors covered in caution tape. The locker rooms are long since emptied, paint peeling from the humidity. The only signs of habitation are a few pieces of scattered graffiti.

Welcome to your new home. There's no sunlight, no indication of time passing. Just you and each other and your thoughts. the stagnant water bubbles a little occasionally, but there's nothing in it.

Before long you'll realize that you no longer need to eat or drink. You might notice your hand go through something if you don't focus. You're a ghost now. What's that they say about unfinished business?

Comments

prev cws

[goldendoll]

[ she nods against kohaku again, face tickled by the red strands as she presses a kiss into her scalp. hatsune understands that. she still has trouble understanding how people feel, if she's being honest. she tries to take care to pay attention to what the people around her like and dislike, but... ]

Mm. [ she links one of her hands with kohaku's, keeping her close but trying to keep the hold loose for now. the last thing she wants is for this to go bad and for kohaku to feel somehow trapped. really, she feels as if she's said too much already, and she doesn't want to steer her on this. so it's a simple murmur, two syllables: ]

And then?

cw more explicit CSA discussion

[ergine]

[ And then—what? Kohaku isn't really sure. She's quiet for a few moments longer, this time, but eventually she says, ]

Sometimes, I think... That's probably why he chose me. [ Hatsune keeps her fingers loose; Kohaku grips them tighter. For once, she tries to hang onto the feel of them in her hand: their warms, their shape, even the calluses from the strings of Hatsune's guitar. ] I didn't know how to express myself, or how to understand the adults around me, so no one would notice the difference the way they would if something about Hisui-chan changed.

[ She exhales—a little melancholy, as though she were releasing something else with that breath. ]

I've gotten better at that part, at least. Though, I didn't really have any choice, I think.

[ The same way she hadn't had a choice about turning herself into a doll.

Kohaku falls quiet again, as though the thought were at its end. Then, suddenly, she muses aloud: ]

Maybe that's why. Telling her was the first time I made my own choice.

cw more explicit CSA discussion

[goldendoll]

[ shit. hatsune had... an inkling that it was something like that, but the confirmation that kohaku had endured something like that... aches, somewhere deep. her next breath is shakier, something slow and steadying. she lets kohaku grip her fingers as tightly as she likes, happy to act as an anchor right now. ]

I'm sorry. [ it's beyond insufficient, once again, and she feels pathetic saying it, but: ] I'm so sorry you went through that, Kohaku.

[ the words come out as gently as something like this can. hatsune pulls her a little closer, now, pressing another kiss into her hair. ]

... And... that could be it. [ the desperate need to claim any kind of choice, any kind of agency... she knows all too well how that can bubble up through the cracks and do terrible damage, left unchecked. ]

cw back to "somewhat less explicit CSA discussion" instead

[ergine]

[ Kohaku answers Hatsune's words with a short, quiet hum. ]

Even if the results were probably inevitable... When it's a decision you made yourself, it's hard not to feel responsible.

[ Or, as she has long since discovered—sometimes even when it wasn't your decision at all. Another little sigh ekes from Kohaku, and this time, the noise is more fond than anything. ]

Hatsune... [ Kohaku turns her face, and she presses a kiss of her own to whatever bare skin she can find: Hatsune's brow, or her cheek, or even the swath of skin exposed above the high collar of Hatsune's band costume. ] This is something I've had to tell Dorothy, too, but I don't think there's much point in feeling sorry about something that can't be changed. I'm alright, now.

[ Well. "Alright" might be overstating it. Still, she has been out of harm's way for some time now. ]

cw csa discussion

[goldendoll]

[ hatsune just nods and hums at the initial response. it's a sentiment she understands well, unfortunately.

the kiss to her neck causes her breath to catch, though, face flushing as her head tilts back slightly. ]

Kohakuuu, don't distract me... [ the words are breathy as they come out, but still, she's adjusted to give her better access as she processes what kohaku's said. girl pick a struggle. this is not the time. ]

So... what happened to him? [ she has a sinking feeling that whatever it was, it wasn't nearly enough. ]