witheredblum | sinking down, down

sinking down, down

Death is a drop into a blackness that swallows you. You feel the movement of not air but shadow across your face as you plummet, and there is no bottom. No crash.

If there is another side, you do not reach it.

It is neither the light of heaven or the fires of hell that greets you when you wake. And wake you do, to the buzz and flicker of old fluorescent lights.

You are laid out beside a full-size competitive swimming pool, half-filled with stagnant water. The doors out are blocked off by locked doors covered in caution tape. The locker rooms are long since emptied, paint peeling from the humidity. The only signs of habitation are a few pieces of scattered graffiti.

Welcome to your new home. There's no sunlight, no indication of time passing. Just you and each other and your thoughts. the stagnant water bubbles a little occasionally, but there's nothing in it.

Before long you'll realize that you no longer need to eat or drink. You might notice your hand go through something if you don't focus. You're a ghost now. What's that they say about unfinished business?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Vanity? When you're done smacking at the television, can we talk?

[Vanity freezes, for just a second.]

How long were you watching- I mean- yeah. What, uh. Yes.

[She stands a little straighter, clearing her throat into a fist, arms tight and gaze not quite meeting Usagi's.]

[Not long, she promises.]

...okay.

[She'll walk over to one side of the room, gesturing for Vanity to follow.]

...I should be angry at you. Was angry at you, when I wasn't just...sad.

But I'm not. Not anymore.

You probably should be.

[When Rinne walked into the kitchen, she'd been- angry, maybe? Desperate to keep her plan as on track as possible, trying to adapt on the fly. Running on adrenaline and survival instinct, no time to think.]

[The second time she was interrupted. She'd seen Usagi and felt cold panic. Hearing her talk and knowing it didn't matter, couldn't, if she wanted to survive.]

What happened- no. What I did. To you, specifically. It was fucked up.

That's just it. I was. I've been avoiding you because I didn't know what I was going to say other than -

[Usagi stares off into the middle distance for a moment.]

- than ask why, and cry a lot, and...I realized, eventually, that all that anger wasn't going to actually get me anywhere. It wasn't going to get me an answer.

But that anger isn't there anymore.

Because-

[But she hesitates, looking away for a second. Down. And finally, with effort, meets Usagi's gaze.]

So no anger. What replaced it? And I swear if you say "forgiveness" or something I'm gonna need a minute to go scream into a pillow.

Something that I think will eventually be forgiveness. It's not there yet, not completely, but...it's like a seed of it that's been planted. If we had more time, I think it would bloom.

[she sighs.]

I remember enough of the 'other me' from the dreams that we had, and that girl would have immediately jumped to forgiveness.

[but she's not that girl. she's not the girl that can have so much love in her heart that she can embrace whatever comes at her.]

Yeah, well.

[It stings, somehow, worse than if Usagi were saying she hated Vanity. The hatred was expected, what she'd always expected.]

[She chews her lip, looking away for another long second, foot tapping an erratic, rapid pattern.]

I remember my dream, too. The me I was- hell, I guess maybe who I was trying to be. I don't think she'd be sorry.

[Deep breath.]

But for whatever it might be worth, I am.

[If this had happened immediately after her death, Usagi would have said she hated Vanity. Now, though, she just doesn't have the space in her heart for it.]

...thank you. Is it wrong of me to say that I'm sorry, too? I know I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but...

[and that's when the tears well up in her eyes.]

Are you sorry for getting murdered-?

[tears]

[oh god not again]

Do you, um- ...okay is it gonna be weirder if I offer a hand here or if I go get someone who didn't kill you?

Part of me still blames myself.

[It's said through her tears, but the act of saying it makes Usagi wipe her eyes and clear her throat. She's trying to pull it together.]

I don't think it's gonna be weird either way? But your call.

[sniffle.]

I'm. Literally. The one to blame.

[hhhhhhhhhhhh she hates this]

[hell is real, this is it]

[She. Very stiffly. Puts an attempt at a comforting hand on Usagi's shoulder, pulling an ephemeral handkerchief from a breast pocket and passing it over.]

[hate hate hate hate. don't be cry.]

I - I know. But I can’t help it.

[Deep breaths. She’ll take that handkerchief and dry her eyes.]

I do still blame myself, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. I just think that in a perfect world -

[Usagi stops mid-sentence, the words ringing hollow in her ears.]

- no. None of that. It’s not a perfect world and wishing for one is dumb. The thing i wanted to say was simply that I don’t hate you. Maybe one day that seed of forgiveness will grow and bloom, but it needs time.

Well goody for me, I guess, we might have eternity to find out if you're right.

[Or, you know, they could all be incinerated into nothingness by a vengeful witch. One of those things!]

I still don't get how you're- you. Like, objectively, there even being some kind of seed or whatever is absolutely insane.

[she'll laugh, just a little.]

I guess I'm just that kind of person that thinks it's better to forgive and forget than to let things fester.

[Is that what she's actually been doing, festering?]

Huh. ...Don't think I know what that feels like.

[Which is... bad, question mark?]

I'd ask what the line is on considering something unforgivable but I'm pretty sure murder is on most people's lists.

There are worse things. Destroying the universe, trapping us in a time loop, stuff like that.

[that first one sounds suspiciously specific]

I think I can manage to avoid becoming the embodiment of entropy, but also your bar is definitely in a different place than most people.

...how much do you know about magical girl series? I promise this is relevant.

I'm aware the genre exists. Transforming superheroes but marketed at girls, right?

Most of the time, yes.

[she'll laugh, nervously.]

In that memory-dream, I was one. My team and I - my best friends and I - needed to actually save the world. So destroying the universe, or attempting to, is worse than murder on my list.

[A short beat.]

[She lets out a short, snorting laugh.]

Okay, you almost had me.

I can't tell a joke without laughing, even a lame one. Try me.

[squint]

...why does hamburger always taste better in outer space.

W-why does hamburger always taste --

[she can't get through the joke because she's thinking of the punchline and laughing]

sinking down, down

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