sinking down, down

[facultwist]

Death is a drop into a blackness that swallows you. You feel the movement of not air but shadow across your face as you plummet, and there is no bottom. No crash.

If there is another side, you do not reach it.

It is neither the light of heaven or the fires of hell that greets you when you wake. And wake you do, to the buzz and flicker of old fluorescent lights.

You are laid out beside a full-size competitive swimming pool, half-filled with stagnant water. The doors out are blocked off by locked doors covered in caution tape. The locker rooms are long since emptied, paint peeling from the humidity. The only signs of habitation are a few pieces of scattered graffiti.

Welcome to your new home. There's no sunlight, no indication of time passing. Just you and each other and your thoughts. the stagnant water bubbles a little occasionally, but there's nothing in it.

Before long you'll realize that you no longer need to eat or drink. You might notice your hand go through something if you don't focus. You're a ghost now. What's that they say about unfinished business?

Comments

cw: ableism

[protomartyr]

I shouldn’t even be talking to you. I’m not supposed to.

[ If only you listened to me like you listen to those voices in your head. ]

Did you ever hear me?

[goldendoll]

[ okay, yeah, hatsune's going to start moving closer. her concern for her friend is starting to outweigh her shame, here. ]

All the time. Just... not since you died. [ but- ] I know you were there at the séance, though. Mari told us what you were saying.

[ a pause, then: ]

... The mantra you gave me. It's helped a lot.

[protomartyr]

[ The honesty helps. The closeness doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference. ]

It was never real, you know. The wilderness stuff.

[goldendoll]

[ she's not sure what to make of that, at first, as she steps closer. just about a foot or two away at this point. finally, she just says: ]

... Does it matter? It helped you. It helped me, too. Real life, dreams, performance... none of it's more or less real than the other.

Everyone tells whatever stories they need to.

cw: ableism, institutionalization

[protomartyr]

It matters when they lock you up about it.

[ A performance has the safety of the lie. Lottie isn’t sure how much of that she ever had. ]

I wanted them to be wrong about me. I thought they were. [ A breath. ] You know that using my meds to force a trial is as good as telling everyone, right?

[goldendoll]

... I tried to leave your name out of it. [ nobody brought up lottie until satsuki stumbled in, after all. if not for that, they might have left the source of the pills a mystery- ]

But... I know, Lottie. I'm sorry. I really am.

[protomartyr]

[ That’s true. And Lottie knew, or thought she knew, the value of sacrifice.

They’re going to be dead a long time. Hatsune is sorry. Holding grudges isn’t going to get them anywhere, even though it would be easy to do. ]

Thanks. [ It’s a little
like when they first met. Quiet, but Lottie isn’t pretending to be anyone other than herself. ]

I really hoped you were going to make it out.

[goldendoll]

[ yeah, she's honestly just going to try to pull lottie in for a hug. too late dumbass. it's happening. ]

... It's not over yet. Who knows?

[protomartyr]

[ At first, it's a little like hugging a ragdoll. But after a few moments, Lottie feels something click, and then it's the exact opposite - Lottie burying her face into the crook of Hatsune's neck, making herself small and unseen and protected, tangling her fingers in Hatsune's clothes. Even though the wilderness isn't real, Lottie breathes how she was taught, and how she taught others. In and out.

The person Hatsune is hugging isn't a ghost, or a prophet, or a symbol. She's not something to be laid upon the altar. It's just Lottie. ]

[goldendoll]

[ it's slightly comical, with how much taller and stronger lottie is than her, and hatsune has to push herself onto her toes to make it work. but lottie's looking for refuge, and hatsune does what she can to offer it, keeping her close and letting her hold on. ]

... I really missed you.

[protomartyr]

[ Lottie is doing some serious contortions to make this happen, but that's okay. It gives them something to laugh about later. It's funny, too, that Hatsune says she misses Lottie. She never saw this version of Lottie, not really. Then again, the only person who saw this is dead, and so is Lottie, and so is Hatsune. They're past armor, now. It's not like Lottie ever knew Hatsune's real name while Hatsune was alive. ]

I missed you, too. I'm - [ Lottie swallows ] - glad I was able to wait for you.